“I also feel like I’m right in the middle of a transition, the intermission between a first and second act. And it’s hard to write your way through that, at least in any way that I’d feel comfortable sharing publicly. As Jenny Blake so eloquently stated a couple of days ago, ‘I am choosing not to share more of the details because I don’t yet have perspective on them.’” – from Doniree’s Wrapping Up and Moving Over For Now Anyway
That quote from Doniree recalled a lot of thoughts I’ve had over the past year or so. I am going to attempt to call on my writer’s brain to communicate what I’m trying to say with this post without being trite or wacky-sounding. I’ll start by calling myself out.
This blog has fallen by the wayside. I had planned a revamping and even a redesign. I also started to set a schedule to get back into blogging—”new posts every Wednesday!” But I haven’t felt like saying, reporting, or giving my limited yet idealistic opinion on anything. If you (used to) read Treavioli on a regular basis, then you know that this is a blog about my life, my thoughts, my wants, my adventures, my explorations and learnings of who I am.
Lately I’ve been working on adjusting to a new life, which has been a trend for the past few years, I think. At 24, I graduated from college and entered bleak and uninspired corporate America. At 25, I jumped into the life of a vagabond and road tripped all over the US and Costa Rica. At 26, I left my life in flat Texas for one in coastal Seattle, WA. And here I am at 27, not really sure what’s next or what’s in store. My current state is that my heart and mind are conflicted, both in physical location and in matters of Love.
I’m increasingly feeling the lure of living on my own and for my own enjoyment. Perhaps it’s a response to the widely idealistic (that’s just me) notion that I would move to Seattle, find someone perfect for me, and fall in love rather instantly. But that hasn’t happened, and I’m a little disappointed but since I’m also pretty realistic, I’m not surprised that hasn’t happened yet. Truth is, dating in Seattle is far different from dating in Dallas. Texans subscribe to “Southern hospitality” and Seattle does not. If you’re not interested or feel a connection, then you simply disappear and don’t respond to correspondences. You’re shut out and left wondering what the heck happened—it’s called the “Seattle Freeze.” In addition to adjusting to the dating rules, I’m also learning how to survive in general in Seattle.
I’ve never been around so many different walks of life, particularly prostitutes, helpless and volatile mentally ill people, and the general citydweller, of whom I was alarmed to find is not as warm as I had expected. I was boarding the plane from Albuquerque back to Seattle (from Texas), and overheard a conversation between the mother of a family and an elderly couple, who were inquiring about life in Seattle. The mom, who was originally from Texas, mentioned that Seattle is beautiful but the people are hard to approach and get to know. I chimed in with an “I agree,” and a New Mexican man behind me added the insight that Seattlites are polite but they’re not friendly. That is what I’m adjusting to. I’m no stranger to having difficulty making friends but I’m out of practice. Despite my friends being an email, voice note, video, text, tweet, facebook comment away, I’m lonely sometimes. What’s hard to swallow is that it’s all my doing! I am doing this to myself. [laughs]
But I remind myself why all the time: Dallas embodied who I was, perhaps Seattle is who I am supposed to be. With that, I bring you back to the original point of this post: I am in a transition, so I can’t possibly report all the changes and thoughts. Sometimes I’ll have a thought but it’s negative and callow and lacks insight—it’s purely a feeling and I like to be more informed when I document something—sometimes. I feel that a lot of you are going through a transition—or maybe even a rut. We don’t write like we used to. Blogging doesn’t have the excitement it did a year or two ago. I’m not sure why.
Is it simply because we’re all going through a transition?
Is it because Google Reader died (which I didn’t use but a lot of you did)?
Is it because we no longer have Bloggers in Sin City as something to look forward to?
Or maybe I’m just out of the loop. I don’t read as many blogs as I used to. I opened bloglovin’ by accident yesterday and closed it.
Things change. A simple sentence that’s complicated to digest. I know this, I’ve grasped the concept, and I thought I mastered it. Celestial beings and God even, know that I’m trying my best. And because of that I can’t write about it. I don’t really have the words or the perspective right now, as Doniree and Jenny Blake pointed out. That’s also why my book hasn’t been written. My perspective keeps changing as I keep growing.
I want to make a declaration about the life of this blog, but I can’t right now. I will say that I won’t be posting every Wednesday. I’m not going to pressure myself into writing at the cost of producing uninspired drivel. I’ve written and I even have blog posts in mind, but I lack the passion and time to invest in making them awesome for anyone to find interesting. I suspect, however, that after I click “Publish,” and this thought has been communicated, I’ll want to click “Publish” more frequently. I guess it’s quite like clearing a clogged drain, the water flows freely.
If you’re going through a transition, how are you weathering it? Is it difficult or are you just floating on through?