Author Archives: Treavioli

In Queue, or the Overwhelming To-Consume List

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Like the clip above, I get into a technology loop every time I get online. I start here but then I end up there. By the time I realize what’s happened, I’ve watched 17 videos on YouTube, read 13 articles on Wikipedia, read a few emails, spaced out on Tumblr for 30 minutes, etc, when I really just wanted to know when the next season of Portlandia was going to premiere. While this is, yes, a focus problem. I believe it begins with my aim to do a lot.

I’m a perfectionist, therefore I am obsessive to a blessing and fault. I’m also a completist, and I use that term lightly and loosely to give a word to the fact that I like my queues to be at 0. I have so many queues — a YouTube unwatched videos queue, my iTunes New Album playlist of albums I’ve downloaded that I need to listen to, a bloglovin’ blog post queue, a Hulu TV shows queue, a Gmail unread email queue spanning 2 email accounts, a Twitter Favorites filled with tweets of articles I’ll read or write about later … queue, my Goodreads and personal library of books I need to read queue, a projects queue, and the list goes on.

I guess with these lists of to-consume items I have something to look forward to, but if I could look forward to one thing only it would be not to have anything to look forward to (in terms of queues). I’d rather not have something on a list to look forward to (but I have to). Today I was reducing my paper trail (which is on my queue of to-do), and I internally debated with keeping some old loan statements, you know, just in case. As soon as I had the thought I looked at the other piles of paper. I was exasperated! I immediately shredded the loan statements: two at a time. If my shredder was of better quality, I would’ve shredded them all at once. The less the better. The less the better. The less the better.

I believe in that statement so much that I typed it 3 times instead of copying and pasting. I want to post it everywhere, but you know — the less the better.

While I could just delete my accounts or delete my subscriptions to all of these queues, I wouldn’t be happy because the reason I even have them is to be fulfilled and educated and be in the know and connect with people. With that said it’s not a bad thing to want those things, but a queue of 0 would make me feel so happy and weightless. It would also mean that I’ve accomplished all of these wants. An exchange occurs with consumption: gained is knowledge, lost is time.

I just have to make sure what I choose to consume is worth my time.

Definitely watch Portlandia on IFC. The third season starts next year. Plenty of time to catch up.

Communication and the Negotiation Phase of Relationships

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You know that situation where you’re sitting at home on the couch with your cutie watching re-runs of Grey’s Anatomy, and you’re like, “So, we’re kinda like MerDer, you know? Like, I like youuu, but I think you like meeee….”

[blank stare/dumb look from Cutie]
["begging the question" smile from you]
[reluctant and confused smile from Cutie]
[a "you know what I'm talkin' about" nod from you but Cutie still doesn't know what the heck you are talking about]

I’d call this the beginning of the negotiation phase of dating, where casual daters put the possibility of going further (or ending it) on the table. One party might have certain “conditions” — ”We can be exclusive but… I get to raid your fridge anytime I want.” Or you know, marriage if you’re one of “those.” Yikes!

I think in the “negotiation” phases of relationships, whether you’ve just started dating, dated for a while, or taken a break and are re-negotiating, there has to be transactions of feelings and thoughts i.e. communication. What I mean by that is… one person can’t be sending all the “I love you, I miss you” emails or texts, or even nude cellphone pics. And that’s a warning sign — if they’re not sending you nudies back, then your relationship is already on unstable ground.

At some point the person not reciprocating these thoughts, feelings, sentiments has to step up and say, “Look, I don’t feel the same way” or “Maybe I feel the same way, but right now I’m confused and need some time to sort out how I feel.” For goodness sakes! Do not leave it up to assumptions.

To that end, the person sticking their necks and hearts (and dignity) out there can either keep on sending mushy e-love letters, or what I recommend, leave that person alone to figure themselves out. But you have to communicate what you’re doing. I’ve had many situations where I say I need time to think and that person disappears without any acknowledgement.

Communication is key. I’ve had many girl friends say “he doesn’t do this or that” about their boyfriends. Well, did you tell him you wanted him to do that? If it’s debatable whether psychics can read minds or not, then it’s safe to say your boyfriend can’t read your mind.

Talk about it! But don’t talk about it too much. Say it once, say it clear. If you find yourself saying it too much, then you’re either super high maintenance and demanding too much or he’s not the right guy.

Note: The same could be said for the reverse situation. Ladies can be just as confusing as guys. Some guys are super ready for the next phase. Hasty, I tell you.

Book Review: The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks

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The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks
Rebecca Skloot (@RebeccaSkloot)
Non-fiction, 2010
Rating: 4/5

I’d like to say that I hate reading unless it’s a series by K.A. Applegate or JK Rowling. It took my mother instituting mandatory-reading clause to get me to read anything else. So when she set The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks in front of me and said with exclamation, “You have to read this.” I was like “eh” as she continued on singing its praises. I mean, her saying that my sister said it was like my mom and her siblings definitely wasn’t a selling point for me. But when my aunt actually sang its praises I thought Ok maybe I’ll like it.

And I did.

I thought it was a very well-written book. I’m not good at summations, but I’ll try my best.

It’s essentially about Henrietta Lacks, a woman whose supernatural cancerous cells become famous after changing the science and medicine world and many lives tremendously. The catch: her family has no idea why or how she died nor can they afford to pay for health insurance. Given the fact that there was only word-of-mouth evidence about Henrietta and a few photographs, the book is more about the impact of her cells and the affect of her death on her family. It also mentions the inhumane experiments done on African-Americans pre-Civil Rights Movement (i.e. the infamous syphilis studies, etc.). It held my interest throughout but it particularly captivation towards the end when we found out why Henrietta died and what happened to Elsie Lacks, Henrietta’s eldest daughter. The ending had the major heart lift that sealed the deal on memorability for me.

I recommend it. Oprah does too. She’s also making a movie about it with Alan Ball.

What’s interesting is that I think it made a book reader out of me. I feel like reading everything. Eff.

More about the book…

Receipts

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I always keep my receipts.

Unless they’re restaurant receipts because you can’t really take food you’ve eaten back. But sometimes out of laziness, I chunk those food receipts along with other receipts in my “loose paper” box along with insurance stuff, passport stuff, medical stuff, bill statements, etc. I always keep my receipts. This is a habit learned from my mother, the packrat. And it is not a bad habit. There was a time when I tried to defy the habit, having never used my receipts to return things I had planned on keeping no matter what. But as soon as I did I needed the receipt — the one I threw away. So I keep them. At least until they’ve expired.

To further my minimalistic efforts, I recently decided to go through my “loose paper” box and chunk or organize it. Most of the stuff was just thrown in, some in branded folders, others in actual binders from a previous organization effort. But the receipts were a wild heap, some dated as far back as 2009, the last time I threw out receipts.

As I was going through the receipts I could remember when I bought this and that, where I was when I bought the items, and sometimes who I was with when I bought the items. And then I realized how much our capitalist society attaches sentimentality to material things, thus making material things more valuable than they’re actually worth.

More than half of the receipts I had were of things I have gotten rid of in the past 3 years that depreciated within months, things I ended up selling way less than what I bought them for. My mom has always been very savvy with her money. When I grew up she was super frugal and always shopped at yard sales.

I read an article about three years ago when I was wanting to buy a car. It stated the smartest thing you could do is not buy a new car. Buy used. If you think about it, that advice is supremely awesome. How many times have I had friends get in car accidents right after buying mint condition cars — many times. I started applying this to other situations, like buying DVDs or CDs online. I bought them used. I bought my bike used and I love her (her name’s Stella Blackcherry, by the way). My first Mac computer I bought on Craigslist.

Most things are just better used, except condoms. Don’t do that.

I also plan on adopting, too. Dogs, cats, babies, a husband. :] — with receipts.

Beyond the Seas and Wars (Love and Relationships)

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Am I ready to love, a question I asked myself recently. There’s no doubt that love is flowing through a bit more freely than it used to, but am I ready to be in a relationship.

I feel that Love and Relationships are two separate things. In terms of cell structure, Love would be the nucleus and the relationship is the cell membrane, what Love lives in. And it is up to you and your partner to keep that membrane strong, impenetrable, and healthy so that the nucleus can live and flourish in a safe place.

I started asking myself if I was ready to love again after my ex and I decided to compare notes on what we wanted for the future and if we wanted to continue that pursuit together or not. It was preceded by a fun evening in Uptown, juicy burgers, a visit to the remodeled Apple store by SMU, and jetting through the streets in his fast car just like all (and old) times. It felt great. In those moments our true selves were allowed to just be. No pushing or shoving, just playful and free.

But we eventually came to the purpose of the evening. He’s ready to settle down. And I am not. That’s the black-and-white. The grey of the matter is that I will be ready to settle down, but I still have a bit of foundation repair within myself to secure before I can jump back into the romanticsphere.

I feel that returning to me little by little, the want to sprout roots with someone. It’s glimpses of the same feelings I had even at 19 years old. I’ve always known what I wanted in a relationship and from life. I didn’t realize on the way to those wants it would be extremely difficult. I’ve always known that my wants are embellishments of what I need, so while I could spare the flourishes, the strike of the stroke is what matters. My needs are an open-hearted family that respects each part of the unit and we have fun in learning and experiencing, we have each other’s back in the darkest of times.

There’s no doubt I want that. But right now my heart is in repair from braving the ruthless seas and surviving the strenuous wars that have gotten me to this point, which is somewhat of a hibernating period, I guess. In my cocoon, a safe harbor, restoring my energy and heart for the next Big One.

Honoring your truth and realizing that how YOU feel must be your top priority will lead you to the right place and perhaps back to your lover but know that the introspective work you are doing will pay off. — Terri Cole, from Welcome Words of Encouragement

He is ready and he is anxious to start. He’s met someone new and while I was distraught about it, I realized that apart from my own happiness, I want him to be happy. While, yes, in my selfish heart I would like me to be the one to share his happiness, my heart-of-hearts knows that I cannot. And that’s okay because I have tried my best for years, even at times when I shouldn’t have; at times when my people said “leave him alone, you deserve better.” I went after and fought for what I believed in — our nucleus and even our membrane.

In the twisted reality, I still am fighting for what I believe in. I still have hope because I still have love. I have to admit that I struggled with closing my heart immediately after that night together. It hurt so bad. I spent an entire day in bed until I just decided to get away, flock to Austin even for just a day — just to see something beyond myself and problems. It reminded me that there’s beauty everywhere, especially inside of me and even within him; the part of me that I shared with him.

Yes, I am still building the foundation for my future home. I get excited when I think of it. ((((( A home. ))))) Ah, that elongated echo is awesome. Whether it’s with him or someone else, the foundation process must be done. Poor timing and judgment have already delayed what I should have been doing all along. I would be doing myself and future life an injustice if I weren’t responsible now. And it’s never too late, whether you’re 25 or 28.

I would like to thank some very important people for their support (and even those I can’t link to). I am a strong person and my friends keep me that way. Thank you. Thank you.

And last and utmost, thank you to my ex and best friend. Every crazy turn on this ride had helped me learn a lot about life, love, relationships, and even myself. I don’t have all the answers to how yet. But I do have an answer for why. Thank you.

On Locker Room Nudity (Part II)

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Oh hey, there’s a first part to this story.

I’ve been getting over my fear of locker rooms and embracing localized public nudity.

I’ve noted the differences of nudity in the locker room among mixed company (gay and straight, ethnic/cultural). And while it sounds like a field study of an African safari, I’ve tried to remain clinical and suppress my natural animal. In other words, I’ve been trying my best not to check out anyone’s butts. But I mean, sometimes I’m curious! I never really got comfortable with the whole high school locker room experience, really. I only went in the locker room maybe 3 times in the 2 minutes I was on the track team, but you know getting threatened to being beaten up kind of ruins the whole learning experience. But in present day, I keep my head down and myself covered at all times in the locker room, usually. Something I learned from researching the etiquette of locker rooms. After the strange looks I’d been getting, I wanted to make sure that I wasn’t breaking any other unspoken rules.

That is, until a few weeks ago, when I vowed to be naked — to stand resolute and dignified — a manlier Godiva among trembling and anxious members. I even bypassed the “under-the-towel” move and opted for the barely covering “hold-towel-with-teeth” move. I still got a dirty look, but from another Black guy — who looked at me strange as if thinking, “Now you know we don’t do all of that” in reference to my butt all hanging out.

Still, I thought taking it easy, appearing relaxed and uncaring would help. But I think slowing down and taking my time in the locker room also made other guys uncomfortable. Or maybe it was the towel I was wearing — a white towel with pink stripes isn’t that big of a deal, right?

Right. So I bought a white towel with blue stripes. And still, when I got naked the next few times I went to the gym (at different locations), it all of a sudden got awkward. Nobody said anything but you could tell. People were noticing someone was naked in the room. And it’s not like I have anything abnormal going on down below. I mean, I’ve never had any complaints.

But I digress, the last time I used the locker room and showers (and I say “last time” because the water heater was fixed a month ago and I’ve yet to find a new reason to hit up the gym) — the last time I used the locker room, there weren’t any open seats available, except for a standalone seat along the wall away from the lockers, where main traffic from 3 directions could get a “big ass” view. So like I said, ‘resolute and dignified,’ I set my bag down, took off my shoes, pulled out my shower towel, and stripped while some business-y dudes talked about… sports or something else boring. As soon as my undies hit the floor, the conversation trailed off. Confident, I looked over my shoulder slightly to see if anyone was standing with pitchforks. But as soon as I looked over my shoulder the conversation started up again.

So I wrapped my towel around me and headed for the showers slightly smiling to myself, careless. And vowed not to care anymore! Because really, you can’t please everyone — naked or clothed. You’ve just got to do your thing the best way you know how — with flip flops like your mother told you and using liquid soap to avoid the dropping soap situation.

Check out more of my “chickens” on my Chicken List.

On Locker Room Nudity (Part I)

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Awkward public shower nudity awaits you, boy

One of the things that has plagued me since acquiring a gym membership in January was the dreaded LOCKER ROOM with its unspoken rules and odd smells… and sensualized shower steam. (Or maybe that was high school-era dreamy nostalgia.) Nevertheless, I was determined to embrace this fear and conquer it. I even added it to my Chicken List.

Why is this a fear? What exactly am I afraid of being nakey in the guys’ locker room? The pointing and laughing? Sexual harrassment? Seeing an old college professor naked (again)? Maybe. But that’s not important. What is important is that there’s apparently some locker room guy code I keep violating. I am doing nothing out of the ordinary: I gather my things, go to the shower, put on my clothes, and leave. No harm done! Wrong.

I’ve encountered odd looks, dirty looks and some [I'm not sure what look that is] looks thrown my way. I’ve seen butts. Not many butts but butts I’m good with not seeing again. Since the water heater at my house was not working for a few months, the gym was the only place I could rid myself of stank. Therefore I had no choice but to drop trou in front of the gents in the locker room. The first time I got naked in the locker room there thankfully weren’t a lot of guys changing, so the “under the towel” move (wearing a towel and shimmying undies up without being too awkward) was successful.

But it was also a gym in the Gayborhood of Dallas. The locker room etiquette for gays is totally different. It’s okay to ogle or check someone out. It’s admiring and complimentary. You might even get a “thank you” for staring.

However, the second time I tried the “under the towel” move it didn’t go over so well. I was at a different gym in a different part of town because I get bored when I get comfortable. This gym was “less gay” than the first gym I showered at. I quickly disrobed and was naked for about 1.2 seconds before I fumbled with putting my towel around my waist. I was relieved.

Until this locker room debacle, I considered myself very comfortable with my body. So why was it so awkward?

Well, I’m usually naked on my own. Or if I’ve ever been naked with someone else, it’s usually in a romantic/at-ease situation. Apparently in Dude Law, it doesn’t matter if you don’t know the other dudes in the locker room, nether bits must be revealed as if you know the other people in the room, don’t realize there’s other people in the room, and/or like there aren’t big penis elephants in the room. Which supports my lifelong notion that straight guys are straight-up weird. I mean, come on — I’m in close proximity with naked people I don’t know, and I’m supposed to pretend I don’t notice. I haven’t figured out the exact locker room etiquette.

All I know is if gay guys are getting naked in front of each other, it’s a party.

Check out On Locker Room Nudity (Part II).

Wine and Love #15

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Wine and Love is a list of things lately that has made me want to turn to drinking and things that have made me fall deeper in love with life. Thanks to Walking With Nora for starting this weekly series.

Wine

  • Money and taxes
  • Running late for my dinner with Marlon
  • My voice sucked during practice. Learning that’s part of it. Can’t be on all the time.

Love

  • I stuck to my guns on the cleanse.
  • I had a meeting with a job recruiter. I feel like I’m getting closer to July 15.
  • I’ve been getting some interest.
  • Post-cleanse: I love food!
  • Went inspiration hunting yesterday and it felt great. Lots of ideas.
  • Worked, ate, and movied with my bff. Also had a great talk into the wee hours. Loved it.

3-Day Cleanse: After-thoughts

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April 4, 12:00am — Sitting in the Whataburger parking with Brandon, ate my 3.5″ x 3.5″ x 1.5″ cinnamon roll in 3 seconds. It was a spiritual re-awakening.

April 4, 12:05am — We drove around the block to In-and-Out, and as soon as I entered the driveway I could SMELL it. Brandon thought it was hilarious that I was driving with my nose out.

Window girl on intercom: Hello, how are you?
Me: I AM HUNGRYYYYYYY.

I ordered a #2 with cheeseburger, fries, and Dr Pepper. As an after-thought, I asked if he wanted anything. Brandon got a cheeseburger sans everything and a small sprite (no judgment).

April 4, 12:10am — It felt like forever! We pulled off into the adjacent parking lot and I then ate every last bite of my burger and fries. And it screamed “HALLELUJAH! AMEN! YES!” and hummed in a gospel-esque manner. I had been delivered from the cruelty of the cleanse! YES, LAWD!

April 4, 3:30am — After talking with Brandon about self-doubt, I made it home. I felt inspired and energetic, which is one of the greatest feelings in the world. I also felt full of food, which is a feeling greater than that. I tucked myself in and fell asleep with a smile on my stomach.

April 4, 2:00pm — Finally roll out of bed. (My daily schedule’s different from most everyone. I work at night mostly.) Check my email. What’s up on Twitter. A comment on Facebook….

April 4, 2:30pm — Hmmm. Kinda hungry.

April 4, 3:00pm — Oh right, I can eat now. I thought last night’s In-and-Out and Whataburger rampage was a sweet dream.

The cleanse was very challenging, and so much peeing! I would do it again, out of necessity only. It was something cruel. When we went to the movies last night, I sat there waiting for the movie to start thinking “Ooo! I haven’t been to a movie in a longtime. I can get popcorn, candy, and sprite!!!” And then I cried because I couldn’t.

BUT NOW I CAN! BYE!

3-Day Cleanse

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I got the notion to try cleansing in January when other bloggers were joining in. I thought it would be perfect for me, because I’m lactose intolerant but I don’t let that stop me from eating as much pizza as I can.

By and by, I put off the cleansing process, presumably scared by the cost of doing a BP Cleanse. So I decided to try my own take by only drinking water and Naked® juices. This is probably dangerous. I’m not a licensed dietician, so don’t follow my lead.

Day 1 — Green Machine

5:05pm — I got a late start to the day by waking up at noontime. I have not eaten anything, but I have chewed gum. Oops. I’ve been drinking water, however. Gonna crack open the first juice now.

5:15pm — After going into the kitchen to get my first juice, I notice every food I could eat. Uh oh. First juice is “green machine,” which contains 5 3/4 apples, 1 banana, 1 kiwi, 3/4 mango, and a little bit of pineapple. It’s also got spirulina, chlorella, broccoli, spinach, blue green algae, garlic, barley grass, wheat grass, ginger, and parsley. How does it taste?

5:30pm —

6:20pm — I just saw a blog post about Johnny Depp ironing sandwiches, and started thinking about grilled cheese and turkey sandwiches. And then I looked sullenly at the green machine.

8:30pm — My concentration…

11:00pm — has sucked today. I haven’t worked! Hoping tomorrow is better. Kinda hungry though. Walk around the house seeing food. On Tumblr there’s food. Friend sent me videos of celebrity Burger King ads. Getting hungrier typing this.

11:20pm — I feel like cutting my hair off. Chewing on Altoids.

11:40pm —

Day 2 — Berry Blast

2:20pm — We’ve been in a tornado warning. A funnel touched down a few blocks away. I just took a swig of bottle #2, berry blast, my favorite. Anxiety level is up, and food comforts me. So… hungry. lol

4:05pm — This is hard.

5:20pm — I’ve survived the tornado. Now I feel like doing everything, including eat.

6:45pm — berry blast is going well. I’m hungry but I’ve contained my hunger for now. I have the juice on my desk while I’m surfing the web, and it’s nearby while I’m packing up my clothes to give away or just to prepare for moving in (hopefully) 3 months. For now, I’m going to put the juice in the fridge and drink water until I’m ravenously hungry again.

8:30pm — Revisited the D Magazine article by Jennifer Chininis, which inspired the format for this cleanse. Don’t mind me. Drafting my to-eat list for 11:59:59 tomorrow.

9:30pm —

10:50pm — Oh hi, headaches. Amanda says she will ship me a cake if I win this cleanse. Challenge accepted.

11:00pm — My stomach just got sassy with me.

Day 3 — Strawberry Banana

12:40am — Day 3, thank god.

3:15pm — I’m not hungry right now. I haven’t started bottle #3: strawberry banana. But soon. I feel like getting out of the house and to the park to sketch a bit. Feeling a bit quarantined. But I know that as soon as I get out, I’ll want to eat something. Sigh. Good thing I love challenges, eh? Also, I noticed last night that I went to the bathroom maybe 4 times within an hour.

3:30pm —

9:00pm — Yes! 3 hours left!!! This strawberry banana juice is kinda nasty. I thought I would like it more than the green monster.

9:45pm — To take my mind off of eating even though a fast food raid is planned, Brandon and I are going to see the movie, Mirror Mirror.

10:20pm — This is a really good movie. So funny. Julia Roberts as a villain? She can do no wrong.

11:50pm — “I believe believe believe believe believe believe in LOVE” and food. Where it at?!?!?!?!?

11:59pm — I made it!!!!!!!! Yay!!!! Cleanse is over!! :D

I updated this post regularly from April 2 until the cleanse was over on April 4, 11:59pm.