“I traveled to New York to see Bryant Park, a place I deem most romantic, to inspire me that true love is waiting for me in the future. Until then I’m working on loving myself.” — from October
Food, Music, Books, Design, Travel, Love, Life
November was full of comforts, several attempts at reconnecting with my heart, and a Declaration of Independence. I made the decision to make Seattle happen no matter what. The How is yet to be determined.
This month I went camping for the first time, in Big Bend out in west Texas. It was incredibly beautiful and not at all uncomfortable as I imagined camping in the desert to be. It was cool enough to sleep, warm enough to play. I’ll always remember staring up at the stars from my tent… just dreaming and wishing upon a shooting star as I used to when I was a teenager. I know now that dreams don’t happen without some effort of the dreamer. It’s an optical illusion, a self-delusion, a magic trick or TV show ending I won’t spoil. All I can say is I’ve got to make this work and happen.
I managed to ween myself off cake and onto ice cream for comfort food and healing a broken heart. I don’t feel as open to love as before Treu, but I’m hoping to get back there soon, however that may be too much to ask. I’ve struggled a lot with just feeling my feelings just as I have before, and also trying to simply let him go. There’s also some residual Bright feelings I’m trying to let go of, too. But I think that will be on-going for a long time.
I spent a lot of time visiting the arts district of Dallas and viewing art, spending time with friends, trying not to let my pain get me into too much trouble, viewing modern homes, looking at orphaned dogs and cats on websites—just trying to remember that there’s life beyond the sad puddle I’ve been in.
I didn’t travel, write music, or read much in November. I spent most of my time just watching movies, working, and preparing for Seattle by getting my name out there as much as possible. So far no luck but I’m hoping things turn around when I get there on December 10. I already have a place booked on Airbnb for a month. We shall see what happens!
I’m really really nervous and can’t help the apprehension in my tone when I tell people I’m moving to Seattle with no floor to walk on. But I’m trying to subdue that feeling with positive thoughts and hard work. I’ve been pretty lucky in my life so far so maybe it’ll work in my favor this time. Wish me luck. :]
What to expect for December 2012: finally living in Seattle!!!