- Treu visited Dallas, and I took him on a Texas highlight tour. We had Tex-Mex, ate fried food and saw Chinese lights at the State Fair, and happened upon the Pecan Street Fair in Austin. We also stopped by the Fort Worth Zoo before it closed and got an impromptu dance from this Asian elephant.
- I was really sad when I drove Treu to DFW and watched him ascend the escalator going home to San Francisco, ever trying to get just one last look before he disappeared into the airport. It was my last time to see him. We broke up nearly two weeks later. The new Hunt-Hill bridge and this sunset after dropping him off were the first things to remind me of our time together. To put it less eloquently, all the sads.
- My mom wanted to go on a trip with me, so we decided for Houston since I’ve never truly gotten a sense of the city. Before our trip I didn’t really *get* Houston, but after visiting I finally understand that Houston is a big a** cool town. Also, it had good art, culture, shopping centers, and food. My mom and I also got manis and pedis together. So in addition to getting acquainted with Houston, it was a bonding experience for mom and I. Good times. We also visited Galveston, which was nice but also lived up to its reputation for having bad beaches.
- While we were in Houston, we —well, I— visited the Museum of Fine Arts and immediately sought out a Turner. To my surprise, I was disappointed. I usually love Turner, as he is my favorite Romantic era painter. Usually I can walk into a gallery room and *know* a Turner, but I didn’t so maybe that killed the experience for me. Even still, I love Turner and the MFA was pretty cool. For the price of one visit, you get to see 3 buildings-worth of art. Mmm!
- I decided to have a culture weekend in Dallas by visiting the Dallas Museum of Art. One piece that’s in the DMA’s permanent collection is Jean Arp’s “Star in a Dream.” It reminded me of a dream of love that I used to dream. And I guess, to this day I still dream. I meant to go to the Nasher as well but didn’t have a chance. It was a great visit. I felt so inspired.
- I also went to the Rufus Wainwright show at the Meyerson Symphony Center in the Arts District. I had realized the fate of Treu and I, so I was really needing to hear Rufus’s “Sometimes You Need,” which I frequently listen to when I need a comforting hug or just to feel like someone understands what I’m going through. Afterwards, I did something pretty stupid. Nevertheless, the art weekend inspired me to work on some personal design work.
- One of the things I worked on was the new iteration of my logo and identity, seen here in different versions. If you’re on dribbble, you can follow me there.
- For this iteration I wanted to portray a diamond shape, each point representing my passions and the number 7. I’ve been in a state of questioning who I am and what I’m about. A visual representation of that has helped keep it clear.
- After breaking up with Treu and now having another reason to be haunted by Dallas-Fort Worth, I needed to get away. And what better place than New York. New York bears one of my romantic places, Bryant Park, which I visited with my friend, Daniel, a designer living in Brooklyn. I also saw more of the city and went shopping for shoes. Daniel and I walked around Williamsburg and Bushwick to the pier to see how crazy the water was rocking. Boy was it.
- Little did I know that Hurricane Sandy was on its way to Brooklyn as well. Daniel, Jessica, and I went rations shopping at the local grocery store. Jessica’s boyfriend was flying in from North Carolina as well. So it’s been almost a week of staying in, watching movies and TV shows, and cooking and drinking (Dr Pepper, of course). As I’m writing, the power hasn’t gone out and Sandy has passed through without doing much damage to Brooklyn. Manhattan however is flooded over and without power, so I won’t be able to fly out of LaGuardia for a while.
- I went to Austin for a pretty good business meeting. I walked around downtown Austin pretending to live there. It felt nice, though a bit of a stretch.
Translation: “Loneliness only exists when your abandon yourself…”
- While I was in Austin, I got some much needed Linda time. It was great to work and talk with her!
- Little me in the second grade. I was very self-conscious about my lips then. I’ve learned to see them for what they are — part of me.
- I went home to the country to hang with my family. It was really nice to hang out with my mom and my sister for a while.
- Treu and I decided to meet up again in San Francisco. We really liked hanging out so much when we met that I instantly used my SWA points to go see him. We had a great time eating, sleeping, working, playing, walking, running, exploring together.
- I finally saw the Golden Gate Bridge on my 3rd visit to SF. I really enjoyed spending time with Treu in Sausalito and the Muir Woods in our ZipCar named Waffles. Treu surprised me with Fiona Apple tickets and we saw the SF Opera perform Verdi’s Rigoletto.
- Walking hand in hand to the opera was amazing. I’ll never forget my birthday.
- A friend on Facebook had 2 tickets to Beach House in Dallas so Chelsea and I gladly took them and had a great time. I haven’t had a spiritual orgasm during a concert since I saw John Mayer perform “Gravity” at Fair Park in 2007. It was an incredibly amazing time.
- Treu was visiting me this time, so I used his visit as a hot prod in the butt to clean out the backroom. In the end, the backroom was cleared out, my old bed set moved back there, my sister got a new bed set, and the junk you see is organized. Treu and I darted all over DFW and Austin. We saw the Chinese Lantern Festival at the State Fair. Everyone was looking at us (smug). And we kissed in the gardens at Joe T’s in Fort Worth.
- In Austin, Treu happened upon the Pecan Street Festival by accident. It was really cool in typical Texas fashion. We listened to great music, ate great stuff, and got assaulted by a pug puppy.
September was a great month. On the plane to San Francisco, I wrote down what I want to accomplish over the next few years, where I would like to go. I feel I have drive again and direction.
In the end, there was never enough time with Treu and never enough sleep. I made him a mixtape ending with a song called “October” by Helio Sequence that said “Keep in mind the next time / Raise your eyes, there will be a next time.” I hope to see him again soon.
How was your September?
I am currently in San Francisco taking a break from designing to write this first year anniversary post. I’m working at a cafe in the Mission, sitting next to a boy who I could possibly love one day. Today I care about him a lot. I’m listening to Pearl Snaps: Romanticism (mp3), a mix I made some time ago about finding love again. It was by pure coincidence that I would listen to it on Spotify today. We’ve expressed interest in working together on music stuff in the future.
So with that, I’m experiencing all of my passions—music, travel, love, design, writing—at once. I’m living them. What a way to end my 25th year. It has been a ride.
I started this blog and my 25th year heading towards the end of my first real business endeavor, in a quarter-life crisis, and in a rocky relationship. When that relationship ended in November last year, I took to the air and began to travel full time to heal my heart and strengthen myself. I broke into international traveler status by backpacking all over Costa Rica, touring all over America in my black sedan I renamed “Jenny”, I’ve ridden Amtrak trains all over the Northwest from San Francisco to Portland and Seattle to Vancouver. I’ve taken ferry rides from Vancouver to Victoria to Seattle. I’ve found the place I want to settle down in: Seattle.
I’ve restored my confidence in several areas of my life: my design abilities (securing a new client for my own design business), my singing abilities (scoring an audition for X-Factor, the singing competition television show), my dating life (having healthy dating relationships and currently seeing someone I could see myself with for a while), I’ve explored sexual and romantic abstinence, I’ve widened my comfort zones by doing something crazy every month, and all the while maintaining, returning to, loving, securing who I am despite being heartbroken, in a quarter-life crisis, unemployed, and being (intentionally) homeless.
All of this I couldn’t have done without my friends (blog, real-life, social media, all of them), my family (thanks granny, mom, and sister), the people I’ve dated and even my ex, and the higher powers out there. My guardian, my conscience, my instinct. I’ve listened to my unified Voice a lot this year and I’m happy to see that I’ve accomplished (and am still accomplishing) what I set out to do with my life: I am in unison — within, without, all parts of my being.
And now I can begin to prepare further for a year of discipline and responsibility as I travel less to tackle my college and travel debt, my health, and prepare for a future by saving and taking necessary steps to become an adoptive parent.
Cheers to self-improvement and growth.
Sometimes you have to let go of what (who and where) you think you want, to get what (who and where) you need. It’s incredibly uncomfortable, but change usually is.
Thanks again for reading.
August was full of experiencing the finer things in life while also experiencing some growing pains. I felt like it was a very “real” month. I came to terms with some personal realities, tracing them back to my childhood, and figuring out how I can cope or obliterate them in my present and future. You’ve got to be good to yourself.
I have a problem with emotional responsibility, in that I take on all of the responsibility. Once I realized that it carried through in my most important relationships — relationships where I needed reciprocated affection — I nipped in the bud right then and there. Accepting someone else’s fault for their emotions has caused me emotional distress when it definitely shouldn’t have. Immediately I came up with a solution that I’m thinking will resolve the issue: calling people out right then and there rather than after I’ve felt panic, guilt, remorse, fear, and anger within a few hours.
Cheers to good emotional health and emotional maturity.
Getting boggled down with a project and realizing that relationships with clients are like personal relationships: choose your battles. In the end, they are paying you and ultimately it’s their product. Even though I want to put my best foot forward and have people fall in love with my work that’s out there, I have to learn to let things go. The original vision can still be presented elsewhere, so I’m learning to not lose sleep over little things. Besides the harsh learnin’, which is really not that harsh at all, design in August was fantastic.
I haven’t read much at all because I’ve been traveling, designing, and writing a lot, but I’m hoping to pick it up in September.
I think my favorite foodie moment was with Stacy and Newhouse at an Italian restaurant in Carmel. We had walked by it wanting to go in but didn’t they exacted four-legged people, so we past it on. But then we came upon one of the wait staff members by the trash cans in the alley and they assured us that the restaurant was dog friendly. We got outside seat in the courtyard, which was really nice. The ravioli I had was superb. Mmm.
“I’m getting to the point where I’m dreaming of finding love. Dreaming is something I used to do when I was a teenager, and it’s so amazing to feel that way again. The wanting, the forlorn, the hopeful sighing in the middle of the night. The uttering ‘where is he’ to vacant space. The wondering what it will be like.
And through all of this wanting, I’ve stifled adding the word ‘again’ at the end of each statement. I’ll never forget the first time I was in love, but I’ve begun to make room in my heart for a new love. I hope it’s equal and on level ground.
I cannot believe that I am feeling everything of this, almost a month later. I’ve been seeing someone really special, really cool, talented, creative, funny, goofy, fun, etc etc. He’s mature and gorgeous. And, any time I talk about him my English education goes out the window. He’s someone I care about, someone I can’t talk to or about enough. We don’t really have any issues or problems, which is strange and different from what I’m used to when I date guys. It seems like he and I are on the same page, and in the same place in life, except not physically in the same place since he lives 3 states over. But thank the Web gods for Skype and FaceTime, and not to mention texting. We communicate a lot. It’s just… awesome and odd how fast you ask for something and sometimes it happens. Definitely going to enjoy every second of it.
I think I may have gotten my soul-part back, too, as I feel I could love again.
I had planned to not travel at all in August but given that Stacy was moving to California, I took her up on the opportunity to get out of Texas for a while. I’m glad I did. I was able to help my friend into a new stage in her life. I also got to meet someone who I might help me into my next stage of life. See what happens when you help people and keep your heart open? :]
I also took a staycay in Downtown Dallas, which I don’t frequent enough. I’m always in Uptown thumping around. But visiting downtown was really nice. I stayed at the Adolphus, which I thought I had never heard or been to before, but as I stepped inside I realized that it was the venue for the Wheel of Fortune auditions from 2 years ago that I almost aced. Memories and swank. Good times.
What to expect for September 2012: September is my birth month, so I’ll probably be extra sentimental, most especially since I might be seeing someone. September will be a month of dreaming, and of course, the usual task-oriented stuff, but mostly dreaming.
- Although the reboot of my dating life took off in July, August seemed to turn up the heat even further (and no, still not getting any). I know this sounds pathetic and really callow, but I dated a Jewish person and as I expected, we were in sync. He was a really cool guy and also a fellow Virgo, so extra extra cool.
- My friend Jeff scored a free ticket for the Barnum and Bailey Circus at the American Airlines Center through his job. I hadn’t been to the circus since I was 4. It was awesome! I was more enthralled and riveted by the performances and tigers and elephants than I expected. Must see the circus more often.
- Stacy graduated from grad school and held a celebratory graduation/going away party at Perry’s Steakhouse and Ritz-Carlton Hotel in Dallas. It was a night of elegance and amazement. And of course, we showed the snooty-booty class what was up on the dance floor.
- Stacy’s parents insisted that I go with her on her move to California. And you know, I can’t resist a road trip so I obliged. It was relatively painless and we got there quicker than I ever have going out west. We ended up going to Carmel after unpacking and shopping for her place.
- Carmel is a ritzy, European-influenced beach town full of vintage Ferraris and Lamborghinis as well as European eateries and bistros. The houses there made me dream. You could see children playing in the open-window living rooms, nice cars parked in the driveway, ready for a photographer from Better Homes to shoot it. Maybe one day I will end up settling down in a house like that.
- While I was in California helping Stacy, I met up with someone. We got to know the MCT bus system. We basically had a full day of awesome and adventure exploring Monterey Bay. We walked the pier to watch seals, sea lions, and pelicans feed. He played music on his baritone ukelele while I filmed. There’s an amazing amount of details that I would love to document to fawn over in the future, but it was the greatest day ever. From 10am Friday to 10am Saturday, at the San Jose airport when we said goodbye not wanting to see each other go. I was in a dream state all the way back to Dallas.
- AND THEN PANIC!!! Raio, my MacBook Pro, caught a kernal panic. I immediately went into freakout mode (despite Apple forums insisting not to) because I hadn’t backed up in months. 6 hours of trying and hoping desperately, I took Raio to the Apple store I trusted. It was an ordeal that lasted about a week but felt like an eternity. After getting Raio back with a brand new hard drive, the old hard drive that had all my files on it was MIA.
- After a few calls to the local Apple store and Apple depot (HQ), they said they would try to track down my old hard drive, but it was most likely wiped out by now. But lo and behold on Monday, I got a call from a confused Apple employee at the local store, saying my old hard drive had been shipped to them. I dashed straight over to pick up my old hard drive, and clung to hope that it would at least let me access my files. It did. We’re good.
- I decided to have a regrouping staycay in downtown Dallas at the Adolphus Hotel, where I realized even 4-star hotels have curious stains on room chairs. The Adolphus is also next to the AT&T Dallas HQ, so of course the WiFi was incredible. I uploaded vlogs with record speed. Speaking of which, Vlog Every Day in August happened this month. As usual it added stress but it was great to see familiar faces again.
- Towards the end of August I noticed on two occasions that I still struggle with insecurity in both the self-image and emotional responsibility realms. I bought super low-cut prep shorts that showed off more than I’m used to showing. I was constantly pulling them down to no avail. But I got the greatest services and warmest smiles from people, so I don’t know why I was trippin’. As for emotional responsibility, I’m used to major people in my life blowing up and blaming me for why a situation went awry. Immediately I take responsibility for my part, but also their part. I take on all the guilt, regret, and sadness. It wasn’t until the dust cloud settled from a recent event that I realized—wait—there were two people involved in that situation. Why am I beating myself up so much? It was a pattern I grew up with that happened a lot with a parent and a former lover when they were super upset and needed someone to take it out on. To make the situation dissipate, I would just say “sorry” profusely to get back to the calm and cool. With a recent event, I decided it would be incredibly irresponsible to let someone emotionally s*** on my happiness. I’m learning correct emotional accountability and to own who I am—inside and out.
Despite photo #10 sounding kind of sour, August was a great month. It was a mixed bag, though, and I’m glad I found the hole in the bottom so I can get myself into sultry September to the autumn rain and of course, my birthday.
How was your August?