Dreading Seattle

I don’t know why I’ve been resistant to moving to Seattle lately. I was pretty excited when I flew there in June and drove around in my rental Subaru attempting to blend in with my black boots. You should’ve seen me stomping around downtown with intent and purpose. I felt like I belonged. I felt comfortable then with the idea of living there. Ironically, my Texan pride has gone off the charts since I left Seattle. I think then I knew I was leaving Texas, perhaps forever.

But at some point the comfortability became unease and uncertainty. I’m moving away from everything and everyone I know. Can I do this? Why am I doing this?

Because it’s your dream. It was something we shared, but it was never truly our dream.

Oh.

You should go. Seattle would be good for you.

Yeah, maybe. I wish…

I know. But that’s okay. We’ll be happier this way. I’m happy. You should be too.

I think I am. Just apprehensive. I don’t know what’s on the other side.

Well, I’ve known you for a long time and your think and communicate in music. Just remember your song “Gypsy” by Fleetwood Mac. I think the lyric goes “The gypsy embraces freedom with a little fear” and then she says she has no fear, she has only love.

Yeah, something like that.

So take your love – and I know you’re capable of having a lot of love – take that and let that carry you to the next phase of your life. I know you love me. I know you care. But like you said, you have to care and love yourself now. I think you should. Do it. You’ll be and do great in Seattle.

Thank you. I –

I know, Treavor. :]

Visions and dreams can take your mind and heart far. But your feet and effort will get the rest of you there. I guess that’s why it felt so amazing entering Seattle in June. I had dreamed about it for so long that it was just like living in a dream. It seemed so surreal.

And now I guess I have to let my fears give way to new dreams.

  • http://linda.curious-notions.net Linda

    Fear is an exhilarating emotion. I think there’s two kinds. One that happens right before something super awesome (like the birth of a child or moving to a new city.) And the kind that happens when your body is trying to tell you to run away (like when you meet a serial killer.) I think this is the former!

    • http://www.treavioli.com Treavioli

      I’ve experienced both over the past month or two. The prevalence of Fear is like foreboding icebergs, and I’m steering my ship, narrowly missing them, but getting through to less treacherous waters.

      Thanks for recognizing, Linda!