Sometimes I forget who I am and what I’ve done in the past 8 months. In those moments I get so d*mn depressed, I cut down myself to the lowest joint and hope to still get around. It’s silly.
Last night, I really just needed a friend. I didn’t know where to turn except YouTube clips of Meredith Grey crying. “Me too, gurl!” Luckily, just the right person popped up on my screen. I stated my case and he refuted it easily with several points of interest.
He said I do the things a lot of people are afraid to do, like self-discovery and improvement, an independent career, leaving my comfort zone, being honest and open about my dreams, broadcasting my fears everywhere. He said they were signs of bravery. But I hadn’t seen it that way. I just thought I was being honest and doing the right thing. Not brave.
It also surprises me that people are even paying attention to me. I believe in doing and following my collective Voice, not only have I improved the relationship with myself but the relationships I have with others. I jumped back on social media after months away to find others jumping around the country as crazy as I do. My friends are taking risks and putting themselves out there! My mom and I are getting along a lot better. I tell her my big plans and she smiles and encourages me. And it always throws me off. Ha! But I’m grateful.
I really value those people who knew me at a certain stage in life, and then I meet them again at another stage later. They point out that I continue to evolve; that I’m much more confident than I used to be. The reality of that brings tears to my eyes.
I used to cower, I used to be afraid of everything, I wouldn’t try. I was trapped by fear. I’m still full of fear, but it doesn’t disarm me entirely like it used to.
I have worked so hard to get to this point in my development. I tend to lose sight of my accomplishments when I’m more focused on my failures and figuring out how I could’ve done better. But I wanted to say thank you to people who read, watch, and comment on Endeavors, Château Bleu, and Endeavors of Treavor. I really really appreciate it. Your encouragement and feedback have kept me on my path to being a better person. I hope to return the favor somehow someday.
Thank you very much.