I fumbled with calling this post “It’s Been a Rough Two Weeks,” but then that expanded and expanded until I realized that my life since turning 24 in 2010 has been hell. I’m going to try to refrain from listing ALL of the reasons this is true, and highlight the “best” ones.
- Getting fired: Yeah, that was fun. Long story short, I told my bff boss that I was planning to leave because she insisted I tell her. In fact, she pleaded with me and said it was totally understandable. I broke it to her, she gave me a hug, nearly cried. Two days later, I was walked out of the building like a criminal for reasons of “poor performance”. Thus my trust issues were confirmed, and I was stabbed in the back. The epilogue to this event says she would eventually get fired herself or quit after firing me “against her will.”
- Losing my voice: Growing up as a quiet kid with no self-esteem or confidence, I made it a point to learn how to believe in my own voice when I got older. Be that as it may, it’s taken nearly 25 years to get near-good at confidence. And it’s taken less than a year to undo all of the learning. My inner voice told me not to tell my boss, even though we were cool. But I listened to other people; not my own voice, theirs. And now ill-confidence is baAaAack and annoying the lion in me.
- Realizing catching “old” is easier than catching a cold: I swear to someone’s god, that I was super healthy before I got my job. With a real 9-5 job, your health deteriorates fast. I’ve since gained weight (I can do that? Yeah, it was news to me, too.), dangerously high cholesterol, developed incredibly bad eyesight, etc. I started drinking and eating bad things to help me cope with all the stress that comes with working with and dealing with
idiotspeople who think they know how to do your (and their) job but don’t.
- The degree I worked hard for and paid so much money for hasn’t/won’t be used at all: I had the “a-ha” moment right before I graduated. I didn’t need a degree in English to get the job in design. I especially didn’t need it because I wanted to go into business on my own (freelance). A smarter maybe more logical person would’ve quit, instead of wasting 6 years-worth of college money. Albeit I loved going to my university and gaining my core group of life friends, but still… that’s a lot of money.
And good lord, there’s more. But it’s time to get some sleep. I caught a good 3 hours of it after working all night on a design for a client, and waking up early to finish and get it to them. I hate to be a debbie-downer and a wimp, but I *really* hope I don’t experience anymore of this descending feel. Come on, Universe and High Council*! Give me a break.
* High Council: God, Buddha, Muhammad, etc.