I began my Internet life as a blogger officially in 2003 under my nickname, Blue. My blog My Blue Reflection was hosted on the now-defunct Journalspace blogging community (the domain was bought by another company but it never returned to its former glory). Journalspace was like Xanga and Livejournal in terms of community. I made a ton of friends there; two of my best friends I made through Journalspace.
Before Journalspace died, I had ended my run as “Blue” in 2006. At the time, I was seeing my first boyfriend and I had fallen in love. But soon after declaring that things went sour, and I thought it was my fault. I felt that there was surely something within me that caused our fallout, and I felt that the core of me (Blue) was the culprit, so I sought to change that leave that part of me behind. We eventually broke up, and I felt like a giant question mark. I was 19 and dumb. Word of advice: Don’t hurt yourself over a relationship. Build yourself to something greater.
I didn’t blog after that and I went through a period of being unknown, so I used the username “the_untitled” on online profiles. The name comes from one of my favorite and at the time appropriate Keane songs.
Eventually I returned to the public as a music blogger under a long-used pseudonym, Reflector. I re-incarnated My Blue Reflection as a music blog that showcased unknown and recently discovered acts, with concert and album reviews. Running a music blog is basically a full-time job that I didn’t have time for.
I had always wanted to return to personal blogging, but couldn’t find a community that would take me in. It seemed everyone had their own .com. My online design portfolio was called “Treavioli,” a nickname a guy I dated gave me (I ate a lot of Dora the Explorer ravioli in college). I always wanted to have a design blog hosted there, but never found the time to build the site fully. Eventually, I took my portfolio down at the request of my business partner. treavioli.com was vacant for a long while.
The very same relationship that had prompted me to commit identity suicide was the very same relationship that caused me to come back to personal blogging. My personal blog was re-incarnated as present-day Endeavors. My current persona is Treavioli.
However, I’ve been remembering Blue. With the work that Treavioli at Endeavors and château bleu have done in what I call my Year of Voices, I’ve felt a sense of myself returning, or rather, reuniting with my old self. My ideals and views are still there. I’m very much a dreamer still (Blue) as well as a realist (Treavioli).
I have some things in the works to unite these two. My life is changing, and I am growing, too. With that, so does my online identity.