2012 is going to be a big year. I can feel it in my bones.
But I haven’t named it yet. In fact, I haven’t been as proactive at starting my resolutions as previous years. Oddly, I think that’s part of it. 2012 is totally about being bolder and really using what I’ve learned in my past years.
2010 — The Year of Believing
I remember 2009 and how emotionally unstable it was, and I had lost all faith in relationships. Even after meeting the One and falling in love, keeping the One as the One seemed like a lost cause. I was near the end of trying; I was already worn out with love. But I was fearful of letting it go for what seemed like the last time. Dropping out of the Communication Design program at my university was a necessary but hard decision to make, also. I was plagued with fear that the choices I was making would not allow me to see the life that I had dreamed. What I needed was to believe in my choices and hope for the best, thus the Year of Believing. It rang true with friends. I think we had all had it with the fears that kept us from growing up and moving on to the next stages our in lives. Marlon came out that year. Brandon finished and submitted his script. I had a string of new experiences and a great first job.
2011 — The Year of Fears
Believing in 2010 was a success and it actually laid the groundwork for the now-past year of 2011. I realized that my fears were deep-rooted, so I had originally set out to tackle each and every one of my fears. But I didn’t follow through. The fears on my Chicken List (a list of things I’m too chicken to do) were small in comparison to my biggest fear of all: vulnerability. In working at a dead-end job that was great for the bills and could have supported my passions if I weren’t so overworked to enjoy them, I lost touch with my inner voice. I had faced many brickwalls at a small company that originally seemed fantastic for me, but in the end proved to nearly kill all of my creative spirit. 2011 in total was a harrowing and confusing year. The things and people that seemed to save me from the things that were trying to kill or stamp who I was, seemed to do the same. And then I realized that I was letting them. I felt helpless and it seemed like I was losing control. So I did what I had to do: I sequestered myself to my place of peace. I moved home towards the end of the year, and have been trying to rebuild my voice as well as living my life for me. There are times when a person needs to be absolutely selfish. I did learn that I can be vulnerable in love and in life. I can take chances, I can put myself out there; show my true face. And I can also be there to save that true face when it’s not met with the warmest of reactions.
I succeeded at both believing and being vulnerable (2010 and 2011). But I’m still learning.
2012 — The Year of Voices
2012 is going to be a bold year. I feel it and I see it in everyone’s horoscopes and resolutions. We’re all ready to cut the bullsh*t and trim the fat in our lives. Everybody seems unwilling to take less than what they deserve. And I am too. I am going after what I need. I am so tired of listening to other people. At some time in my life, I kept getting hounded for not listening to others. But I think I’ve gotten better at listening and what I’m hearing and comprehending is that the wishes for my life 1) are not the wishes for other people’s lives and 2) what naysayers want but don’t believe in themselves to obtain. I’m tired of negative people in my life. If you’re a huge weight, I have to let you go. I can handle anything, but being around a person who constantly makes you question why you do this and that or utters “Why would you want to do that?” is not a person I want to trade energies with. Leave us believers to our doing, and get back to your stewing.
2012 is about cutting the bullsh*t in my life.
I’m a great singer, so I’ll sing.
I’m a great designer, so I’ll design.
I’m great at making vlogs, so I’ll vlog.
I want to travel, so I’ll travel.
I know what’s best for me, so I’ll follow my heart and mind.
I love you, so I will love you until my dying day.
No one else understands my path, but it is not for them. It is for me. Follow your path with a sure foot, and you will have no regrets.
2012 is the Year of Voices. I am vowing to follow the voice of my heart and the voice of my mind this year. It will be a year of listening as well as doing.
It is for certain to be an adventure.