“Who are you?!”
It was a question he threw at me, and I almost flinched at it because at the time I couldn’t give him a good answer. Funny, “a good answer” is what my former boss told me when management asked her why she was doing my work when I was on a 3-day vacation she gave me permission to go on: “I didn’t have a good answer.” Based on this instance alone, I’ve come to find that “I didn’t have a good answer” is code for I didn’t have the balls to tell the truth.
And I didn’t. The truth is I didn’t know anymore. Ah well, that’s a partial truth. I kinda knew. I knew that I had become someone who was trying to love someone else for a long time, but I was also someone who hadn’t moved on from those years of trying. Nevermind that it was even more difficult this time.
My mother asked me why I’ve been traveling so much. “Are you chasing something,” she asked. My family has this notion that anybody of our line who doesn’t follow the path already beaten is heading into dark territory or has ill-intentions. Mom, I’m just enjoying my life and learning and being inspired. The only thing deviant about it is that no one else has done it. But anyone can; it might not be glamorous or easy, but it is possible. You have to work hard, and you also have to take opportunities when they show themselves. You have to be a risk-taker.
“… I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”
— Robert Frost, “The Road Not Taken”
Who I am—right now—is someone who is moving on from the broken hearted, passenger of a quarter-life crisis rollercoaster, loser of a job, loser in life version of myself. To a person gaining my independence, garnering new dreams with old dreams, becoming an honest man who can talk while he walks, and a dreamer that has the ability to make dreams fly. I am an explorer and student of life. I am forever growing. I am the new version of myself, and that will change tomorrow. I am forever growing into the person
I want I need to be for me, my future husband, my future children.
Some may not understand who I am or the things I do. But in a world full of many uncertainties, I understand and I am certain — and that is all that matters.