“Character is formed from your stance. In order to have a stance, you must have non-negotiables.” — The Angry Therapist
I believe I’ve always known who I am. I’ve always known what I wanted to do with my life. At the age of 18 I set out to find the man I wanted to live and adopt babies with. I knew that I wanted animals, what kind of house we were going to live in, etc etc. It came from years of dreaming and not being able to do much else. I knew who I was and I knew what I wanted. At the age of 19, I knew who I wanted to be with forever.
But I knew who I was without other people’s influence or perception of who I was. I was perceived as difficult for being non-negotiable on certain things. For instance, I never drank alcohol at parties (except for the few times I wanted to try a drink) because of that I was “being silly” or “difficult.”
I was “difficult” for knowing who I was and what I was willing to give and do by people who didn’t know who they were and were willing to do anything, even things that made them look foolish in the end. But the doubt of maybe not knowing who I am crept in and I lost sight of my non-negotiables.
I did a lot of things I knew were wrong because I felt I wasn’t worthy of being loved or gaining affection. I sold myself short. I was young, and I was ignorant.
I learned that I didn’t need to compromise who I am for anyone or anything. I learned to love myself and follow through with my convictions.
Today, I am almost 26 years of age, and I am lot less ignorant than when I decided to trade in what was perceived as “being difficult” to make people who didn’t know themselves feel better. I could kick my past self in the *ss and say, “Boy!!! What are you doing? You are on the right path.”
I’ve come to realize (and even during my quarter-life crisis I realized this) that the person I wanted to be was already there inside, hiding out, waiting for me to make the decision to let him out to play, to grow.
I started listening, and with great results.