“If it is right, it happens — The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.” — John Steinbeck
In my short life I’ve had instances in which I’ve been (morally) taxed with making a decision that could change two great people’s lives. In a relationship, it’s often at a critical pass, where you have to decide among the cards on the table to continue or not, you must figure what is best and what would make you both happy.
The critical pass usually comes after so many mental alerts that resound “Uh oh. That goes against my life plan” or “This is not working” or “It doesn’t seem we’re both happy,” etc.
In the moments that I’ve had to make those decisions, I’ve poured over all the figures, maths, astrological features to try to find hope and some semblance that it could work out. I’ve researched and consulted psychologists, psycho-therapists, life coaches, older and experienced friends, my mom, my grandmother. I turn over all the leaves because as I’ve mentioned before I have a problem with letting people go. I think the reason I’ve had to make those decisions is because I have an instinct or sixth sense for knowing when a turn won’t lead to happiness or a healthy relationship.
Sometimes you can come together and compromise. But if either party is adamant about something the other is uncomfortable with, then one or the other can fold on their stance for the other person (not a good idea) or they work on it separately aka break up and figure out what they truly want. The latter sucks because you probably really want to be with that person, but you can’t risk losing your own happiness. It never works out great. What you end up with is two unhappy people being miserable together.
Recently I had to make that decision. Sure I could’ve continued on perhaps casually having fun and trying to care less (and be careless) about what I was uncomfortable with, but it would’ve come up again. I know that we cared about each other deeper than that and our paths were headed for a complete convergence. There were some things that I couldn’t compromise on. A healthy future was one.
I think I will always cherish the beginning. Towards the end, you always recall when things were simple and magical, not scary.
I’m still torn up about it, and I haven’t come out of the healthy-unhealthy comfort eating and wallowing phase of breaking up yet, but when I have enough energy, I try to send that special person love, light, and hope.
In a relationship, Love is the biggest risk I can take, not losing my happiness and stability. Patience and kindness are the best gifts I can give in the absence of fear because with fear love cannot exist.
You’ve gotta follow your heart. But doesn’t the mind have a say, too?