vulnerable — susceptible to physical or emotional attack; susceptible to attack; open to censure or criticism, assailable
I was talking with a friend and we discussed why people aren’t open about their feelings. And I thought it was dumb that people hold back their feelings sometimes.
But then I remembered why. I’ve been in several situations where I felt that a person should have held back or I should’ve kept certain things to myself, especially in relationship matters. When a well-intentioned and innocent suggestion becomes a stupid and silly mistake.
Throughout my life I have experienced the emotional aspect of being human. A person will exhibit their emotion and in turn others will be affected (or in some cases, nonplussed), and they will exhibit emotion. And you end with either a domino effect or call and response effect, but either way you have communication.
Communication is one of the things humans just can’t get right. I consider myself really good at communicating (not the best but good) and even when I think I am doing a good job, I am proven otherwise. Why is this? Why are we misunderstood in those times when couples have fights or someone says the right thing at the wrong time?
When things go wrong in communication and a person reacts in a way that they are displeased with me, I shut down externally. As they’re scolding me or fuming or lying that they’re “over it,” internally I’m beside myself. I run through all of the emotions: panic, worry, self-anger, sadness, and finally I’m drained because of the shock and the immediate run-through of what is essentially guilt. I typically mean well in everything I say and do, and I guess I also feel confusion as to why this person who usually knows me well is thinking I’m doing something to hurt them.
Given that, I realize I can’t go in depth about this subject without risking the vulnerability and consequence of making someone else feel bad or look bad. But they made me feel bad. They made me feel as though everything I did to please them wasn’t enough. All the steps I took to make things right wasn’t enough. And after all the doing and trying and the hasty-and-honest “I’m sorries,” it wasn’t enough.
This is where i censor myself and simply say: The effort wasn’t enough.
Dealing with humans and their emotions and feelings and moods is tough, but it’s part of it. It’s a part of being part of the whole. Whether that whole is a romantic relationship, a family, a working environment, a shopping buddy. You have to work through the hard times to make you appreciate the good times.
And as for vulnerability, you have to be willing to expose your emotions and feelings for someone to expose theirs.