A bottle of natural sugar cane Dublin Dr Pepper is now more expensive than gasoline. Since when did things become so expensive and precious?
I tend to overthink everything, especially things that are important to me. When I wanted to start dating again, I wanted everything to be, for the lack of a better term, perfect. I want to fall in love succinctly and gracefully. Well, kinda. What I really want is to be on the same page with someone, on the same level, at the same pace because that’s why it didn’t work before many times; we weren’t at the same place.
For almost 5 months after a breakup, I had abstained from connecting with another (new) person, whether romantically or sexually. When I finally decided I was ready to start dating again, I was way more than ready.
On dates, when the conversation turned stifling and banal, I started planning an escape. When the phone calls and texts became infrequent, I decided not to pursue any further. At the mention of “I don’t know what I want,” I was grateful for the honesty and scrammed so they could figure it out.
With every person I go on a date with, I try to find the possibility of all the things I’m looking for right then and there. I’ve become like one of those women who wants to get insta-married. I mentioned this to a friend and she stated that I’m rushing and I need to breathe. She may have been most definitely right.
While I can be pegged as impatient (because it’s true), I feel that I have had enough experience to realize when there isn’t chemistry and when we’re not in the same place in our lives. When I was younger (and I realize I am a 25-year old saying this but I am an experienced 25-year old), it was so easy to just date any- and everyone. But now that I’ve been through heartflutter after heartflutter and heartache after heartache, I find it’s harder to be incredibly casual and laissez-faire.
I feel like everything is more expensive now. Now I realize what I’m worth and believe in what I deserve romantically, which is to share a life with a partner who respects me, communicates well, is adventurous, and is open to sharing his life with children.
Am I en route to Settlingdownville? Are my days of casual and careless fun over? Are my twenties over halfway through?
These are the anxious thoughts of an over-thinker.