The Texan and the Capacity For Love

Texan: Big deal. So you fell in love with someone.
Liz: I really miss him-
Texan: So miss him! Send him some light and love every time you think of him and drop it….

Texan: You know if you could clear out all that space in your mind that you’re using to obsess over this guy and your failed marriage, you’d have a vacuum with a doorway. You know what the universe could do with that doorway? Woom! Rush in! Fill you with more love than you’ve ever dreamed of. Man! …Groceries, I think you have the capacity one day to love the whole world.

Taken from the motion picture, Eat Pray Love.

I have a disorder. It’s called “try to save every relationship you’ve ever had with someone-itis.” Whether it was a random fling at 22 or a years-long relationship, I try and try to keep that person in my life. Why? Well, for me it’s not easy to like people and it’s not easy to let people in, so when I do, it’s a big deal. Quite frankly, at that point, you must stay in my life because the absence of you in it… is too precious for me.

I had written a post about forgiveness but unpublished because I felt I wasn’t ready to forgive myself; I felt I wasn’t an authority on forgiveness. Forgive myself about what, you may ask. Well, not being a good enough person to keep these people in my life.

It’s irrational and foolish to beat myself up that way, but I’m coming around.

http://twitter.com/laurentheanimal laurentheanimal

Oh, my God. How do you do this? How do you find the words for exactly what I’m thinking; the precise feeling with which I am struggling mightily? Oh, oh, oh. I am going to brew some tea and think on this, now.
- http://www.treavioli.com Treavioli
  
  We must be feeling similar things. :] Good luck with your struggles.
Eric M

Uh oh, I feel long thoughts coming on.

The big realization would be that you don’t need to forgive yourself…there’s nothing to forgive. Pivotal people come in and out of life all the time; it’s part of the dance of life. Sometimes you’ll dance together a lot, sometimes you just do-si-do once or twice (maybe show each other some new moves) and then move on to the next dance and dancer. Thinking you weren’t “good enough to keep someone in your life” is like saying you weren’t good enough to keep waltzing when the line dance music came on.

Truly the movie passage makes sense. In my experience, gratitude and trust are the most direct ways to transforming the fears and self-ridicule (the passage, “Quite frankly, at that point, you must stay in my life because the absence of you in it… is too precious for me,” just screams fear of being without intimacy, fear of never liking someone again, and ultimately fear that you are unlovable). Try gratitude – giving thanks for the fun experiences and the learning experiences – when looking back. Try trust – the understanding that there will always be more opportunities to experience if you’re open to them – when looking forward.

Because you ARE lovable, you ARE loved, and by god you ARE allowed let yourself be happy.
- Eric M
  
  Okay, that might have been a bit preacher-on-a-soap-box-on-Sunday-morning. I’m prone to crusading when it comes to love and self-love, I guess. But I stand by that last line.
  - http://www.treavioli.com Treavioli
    
    It was actually very beautiful. I held off on responding for a long time because I wasn’t ready to receive what I knew was a big meal to digest. And I have the distance and clarity from that moment to really grab the mud of what you’re saying and rub it all over my face. (Haha) i.e. You’re right. I actually said the same thing to a friend of mine recently. Then to have read this again on a day when I needed it made me come to the same realization I hope my friend has. The people that come into our lives are here for a moment, sometimes that moment lasts a long time, sometimes it doesn’t. Either way, celebrate during and after.
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