This installment of the Current Life are scrapped Facebook and Twitter updates.
This was the plan all along, so I guess I can start now. … :] “The future is open wide”
When you want to say something to someone, but even the right words can’t express how you really feel. I’ll just say: I care.
I won’t delete my facebook or twitter.
Dear Love God, present to me someone that loves to wrestle and surrenders when I tickle the ^*&% out of him. Mischief within grows stronger day by day. Bring him forth to me!
I’ve been watching United States of Tara, and I’m really sad I only have 3 episodes left. It’s a great show.
I haven’t been sleeping well, but I did last night and overslept this morning.
Supremely good news! Since June I’ve been on the fence of whether I want to continue as an independent designer or take the offer the marketing agency in Seattle submitted. I did but it didn’t feel right so I turned it down. I thoroughly enjoy my freedom. My plan to live in Seattle has always been *independent* of that offer, so I’m still going to live in Seattle. My plans have slightly changed again!
It was a rough day with minor graces along the way. I woke up really late after partying down with Stacy and crew at the Ritz-Carlton, and it felt like I had drank the whole bar (I didn’t drink at all, save for a champagne glass of moscato). Dancing takes it out of me. I love it.
Emily had a birthday brunch, and Amanda was there. And then I had an impromptu movie date and checked out an Irish pub. And then I took myself out for frozen yogurt, and dreamed about the next phase of my life, which is taking a while to get here.
And you know me, Mr. Impatient. The thing about it is when it comes I’m never as ready as I thought.
I’m 25-years old. Even through a quarter-life crisis, I didn’t realize this until now. What I also realize is that I am in the middle of my past and my future. I guess that’s super inaccurate considering I might not live 25 more years. But in the frame of my 20s, 25 is the flagship, the end of an era, and the gateway to a new one.
“Life is full of things you can’t fix, no matter how well-intentioned you are.” — Guillebeau
There are many things I wish I could’ve done much sooner. Or I wish my life thus far had been lived differently. But I can’t change the past. I can only embrace the present and future and do my best with what I have now, not what I had then.
I have done so much living since I turned 25 in September that my 24-year old self would be so proud. So fantastic. Right now, at the time of writing this entry, I am so content in my life. I have no home that’s mine but I have a space to exist and be creative, I have very little money but I have work, and I don’t have a lover but I do have love and make sure to love myself everyday I wake up. It’s important. I am also dreaming of improvements to my current life. I can see it so vividly that I think it’s doable so I’m going after it.
I have a pretty good idea of where my life is going over the next 5 years. A great deal of traveling, maybe even settling down somewhere for a while, but I’ll always try to improve my person. There are a lot of things in my early 20s that I would’ve done differently, but that’s only because I’m more knowledgeable about a lot of things now. If I continue to learn from my mistakes and triumphs and also learn to forgive myself and celebrate life, then I can reach my goal of being happy and content in life.
I’m hoping that at ages 30, 40, and 50 (if I live that long), I will be a stronger and wiser person.
I haven’t felt this way about a Rufus Wainwright song in a long time. I heard a snippet of “Sometimes You Need” from his latest release, Out of the Game. And immediately needed to hear the rest. Something about the lines “Sometimes you need a stranger to talk to” and “Sometimes you need to go to the dog park.” Maybe it reminds me of this time last year when I was working at a job that was killing my spirit and fighting with my ex and my angry feelings towards him for past pain and present misunderstandings. It was a time I felt unlike myself, like the good in me was hanging on by a thread; like the last drop was hanging from a broken cliff, to be wasted soon. I used to visit the dog park on my lunch breaks and be happy watching the dogs run with tongues and tails wagging. And then I’d cry in my car because the happy was fleeting. And then I got fired, and we started our company — a new quest was started. It didn’t solve all of the problems but it was movement.
No final word on where I’m moving yet. I’m interviewing in Seattle. It’s a great feeling, to be considered. I remember when I was looking for a job in the summer of 2010 and how I wanted to move away from what I knew so badly. But ended up swimming in 5 years-old stew for another year.
It’s been about a year since I committed to a free life of good food, travel, and embracing the better in life. At some point I embraced God even, which was telling that things were really bad because God and I usually didn’t speak that often.
I think I’d like to limit my verbal voice and just listen for a while. I feel like my social self has been talking with no sense attached to it. But there is, and despite breathing and thinking before speaking it still comes out with a bite. Why? (I think I need to get laid. I’m just sayin’!). Sometimes I’m incredibly honest. What I’m saying is true and needs to be said, but sometimes what needs to be said makes the sayer seem like the killjoy of the group. And I hate that burden. But sometimes I guess I do enjoy being the anti-hero that squashes drama. But lately, I think I’ve been causing it and losing focus.
I haven’t been focusing on what I need to. I’m going to Seattle for job interviews with establishing companies and today in this current moment of life, I am not prepared. But I will be.
I will be done writing about Costa Rica, X-Factor, and the road trips I’ve taken hopefully soon so my blog can transcend to the next level.
Sometimes the next level is reflection of the past — at least so you can remember where you’ve gone and know where you don’t want to go.
I like how the beginning of the Year of Voices has started off relatively quiet. That’s because I’ve been doing a lot lately. See:
I joined a gym and I worked out twice this week. I hurt for 3 days. It was awesome!
Registration, please: I’m in-between vehicles so that means double the registration woes. Luckily, I’m not going to register Neona (my Dodge Neon) since I’m no longer driving her anymore. And since the current car I’m driving is still owned by it’s soon-to-be previous owner (my mom), I didn’t have to pay for it. So I guess no woes!
Super compatible on Last.fm! Last night, I hung out with someone I have needed to meet ever since my old roommate Carl moved out years ago: my new music friend, Matthew! Do you know how hard it is to find people who like the same music as you? We saw the Starfucker show at the Prophet Bar in Dallas last night. They were great, but I really miss Ryan Biornstad’s dancing. *swoon* Anyway, what’s strangely cool about Matthew is that he’s from Portland, and I’m moving to Portland! So he’s been giving the dibs and facts on life there. Also, I’ve been out of whack with music lately so he made me a really cool mix, which I instantly started dancing to. New bff? I’m thinking so. :]
Oh yeah, I’m moving to Portland. Surprise? I’ve always wanted to live there, so I figured why wait. I’ve been researching schools in Portland, and I’m hoping to attend and move in the fall. *crossing fingers* I don’t usually like to admit my plans beforehand because they never happen, but I think that’s dumb so I’m sharing. I will be studying psychology and brushing up on my Spanish and Italian. And maybe finding a way into the coffee world. I’m sure living in Portland will help.
I got back from New York last week, which of course was magical and romantic as always. Not as gross as the first time I visited, but I think the subway’s always supposed to smell like vomit for first-time visitors. I visited my second-favorite place on earth, Bryant Park, for New Year’s Eve and got to watch the NYE ball drop. I solo-rode the subway for the first time with help from my new friend KSep and visited Brooklyn for the first time, too. There, I met up with talented designer and fellow Dr Pepper lush, Daniel, who welcomed me with some copious amounts of DP and Pies and Thighs (yuuuuum!). And! he showed me this really beautiful, breathtaking view of New York from his flat’s rooftop. I could’ve stayed there for a long time, but it was beyond freezing (well for me, a Texan). He graciously sent me a few shots. Thank you, Daniel!
New York from Brooklyn, courtesy of Daniel C Wiggins
When I got back from New York, I met up with two of my favorite people. Marlon, who is planning a great shift this year. I wish him all the best. I know he can do it! I had dinner with Chelsey at Dream Cafe, which truly is a dream cafe. The owner brought us complimentary glasses of wine and let me sample moscato (*my* wine). Chelsey’s going through a shift in her life as well with health issues and undergoing treatment for them. I have no doubt she’ll sail through this year with no problems. They’re both amazing and talented people, each with great character. I learn so much from them.
That’s the majority of what’s been happening. I’ve also been opening up to more freelance opportunities and doing cool stuff around the house. Some days I get really inspired to do this and that, such as today. I hadn’t eaten anything, but I guess I’m operating on reserve energy from the past few days. I got out and replaced the dead bulbs in the front yard lights. This sounds like not a big deal, but it looks like a big deal. I’ll show you later.
My sister came back from the country with a couple of Christmas presents from family for me, so I wrote thank-you letters today! And of course, I wrote about Costa Rica today as well. I’ve still got more to write about, so stay tuned! I truly recommend you visit Costa Rica soon. It’s so beautiful; and New York as well. I couldn’t have ended 2011 and started 2012 with better places and experiences. This year is set to be quite an adventure!