Tag Archives: year of voices

Year of Voices: January

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year-of-voices-january

What once were scattered, off-key, and hushed, my voices (heart, body, mind, spirit) are becoming more and more steady and unified this month. After being fired from my full-time job, realizing I had been in a quarter-life crisis, ending a 6-year love saga in November, disappearing into the rainforests of Costa Rica in December, and bouncing around New York earlier this month, I’ve been settling in again at my mom’s spare house here in Dallas/Fort Worth. It began with looking at this house and seeing how it looked and felt like me, broken down, worn out, and falling apart still. Yet it still has a fighting chance to be great.

Life
I originally thought I would stay here for a few weeks, but it’s been over 2 months. It’s been great, however, and my mom is glad someone’s taking care of the house while she’s away. But I have a plan. I’ve decided that I’m moving to Portland in July and studying psychology for a while. Not everything’s solid yet but I have a firm belief that I will get there. It’s been a dream of mine to live in the Northwest for a long time now. It would be great to live in that experience; a dream coming true. Overall, my life is going pretty well and quickly forming into what it should be, thus turning me into who I need to be.

Love
I haven’t been dating. Maybe I have. I can’t tell. I meet up with people thinking they’ve read my OkCupid profile and what I’m looking for (“activity partners, long-distance penpals”). But I always see that disappointed face when I tell them that I want to be single, and I’m only looking for friends. It also sucks because they’re really awesome and interesting enough to probably be more than friends, but I know that I could not give them truly what they’re looking for. I keep in touch with all of them, and they’ve all moved on with their search for love and relationship.

Truth time: I miss Brandon throughout my entire day everyday. At times it gets hard, and I have to chain myself to the toilet to keep myself from driving to see him and throw this whole crazy idea of being a confident, strong, self-trusting individual behind. But it wouldn’t improve our relationship at all. It would make it worse. Every time I see him, I see that he’s trying so hard to cope, and I just want to… be there. But being there makes things worse. It’s a given – this is just a tough, not pretty situation. I’m doing my best to respect distance and his feelings. The muscle still aches.

Design
I feel like I’m getting more and more in tune with my designer prowess again — slowly but surely. With my dual-ownership company taking a backseat, my solo freelance will be taking the wheel. I’m working with one of my long-standing clients and collaborating with a photographer friend of mine on my portfolio site. The design of which is going so well. I’m surprised at how I’ve gotten back on the design saddle; like riding a bike I guess.

Travel
Ending 2011 with Costa Rica and New York was a big finish to a really crappy (yet oddly rewarding) year. Gratefully, New York leaked over considerably into 2012. I remember lying on a friend’s couch in Queens, thinking “I was just in Costa Rica. Now I’m in New York. This is it. My life is traveling.” The moment signified a tremendous turn in my life. The moment also signified that this year will be full of travel. Confirmed: Las Vegas for Bloggers in Sin City, Los Angeles for VidCon — both are repeat cities, but I’m beyond excited to see them again and with new faces to meet.

Food
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more adventurous in trying new foods. To name a few: Vietnamese, Thai, Costa Rican/Tico dishes have graced this tongue. With meeting a new friend, Matt, I’ve discovered new foods in the veganish-vegetarian realm. I quite like shopping at natural/organic food stores than say, Walmart. Don’t think I’ll be converting to full vegetarian anytime soon. I am a Texan after all.

Music
As I mentioned recently, I’m going to be recording a song and producing it on my own as a project for getting comfortable with hearing my voice and not being afraid of instruments. I am ridiculous. But it’s a lifelong fear that I’m trying to eradicate. I believe I have a gift that I’m not letting shine. So, here we go: a Year of Voice.

Chicken List
I think a lot of my Chicken List will be knocked out in 2012. I told you it’s going to be a bold year. My balls are bigger than ever, and I am ready to kick Fear straight dead in his *ss. This month I conquered my fear of singing karaoke. It was relatively painless, and I wasn’t even drunk. I also bought a rock-climbing pass from livingsocial.com.

Do Something Crazy Every Month
While I’ve done a lot of things that could be consider “crazy” in January, my one crazy event was spurred by my spontaneity. On a whim, and with a little added peer pressure from some other bloggers, I registered to attend the Bloggers in Sin City unconference in Las Vegas (duh). And I have been prepping for it ever since! I already have my outfit for Mad Men night, and my flight ticket is bought. I’ve been researching some shows I want to see in Vegas. I was hoping Celine or Bette would be in season, but they’re not. Ah well! Apparently we have to wear wigs to this unconference, so maybe I’ll just be Bette.

Abstinence
Gawd! Even with my new boyfriend, this is rough. This is the hard part of coming out of a relationship where sex was readily available. But! Still going strong.

What to expect for February 2012: February is cleanse month; clearing out my Twitter favs, Tumblr likes, email accounts, more in-house minimalism, doing an actual cleanse with BluePrintCleanse. A trip to Austin to see my friends Linda and Ashley. Reducing debt as much as possible. And rock climbing!

Year of Voices: January (Photos)

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Year of Voices: January (Photos)

Ignore the quality; I took these photos with my iPod Touch and HTC Incredible 2 smart phone.

  1. Uh… yeah, ignore. :]
  2. I bought a “gymbership”! My first time working out.
  3. Matt and I checked out Penne Pomodoro’s in Lakewood/Dallas. Their focaccia bread was delicious!
  4. Matt! He’s been giving me pointers on life in Portland and exposing me to the vegetarian lifestyle. I dig!
  5. Matt and I checked out Starfucker, Painted Palms, and Alexico! I had a great time. Matt not so much.
  6. Meet Matt’s furball, Beth the Catloaf.
  7. Home Improvement: I’ve been making minor improvements outside of the house. Our lamp was not working, so I just replaced the bulb. Now we can see and it keeps robbers away.
  8. After the STRFKR show, we went to Velvet Taco on i75 in Dallas! The Applewood bacon and egg taco (#18) was soooo good. Thanks, Matt!
  9. “I will do whatever it takes.” I have this on my iPod and look at it when I work out to keep me going and motivated. I briefly think about Portland when I read it, too.
  10. Rita Repulsa, we meet again! I was venturing the toy department and thought it was peculiar that she was alive again. I thought we did away with her!
  11. I went on a dinner date with my friend, Chelsey, at Dream Cafe in Uptown Dallas. We gawked at the waiter the entire time. Dreamboat!
  12. Matt was having computer problems, so I took a swing at it. It was my first solo hard drive extraction. I wiped it clean and re-installed a new copy of Windows 7. It was simple.
  13. I’ve been missing meals being made for me lately, so I learned how to make grilled cheese and turkey sandwiches. I also made dinner for my sister one night: Chicken Alfredo with delicious dinner rolls. Of course, all from a bag.
  14. The Dr and I became re-acquainted for like 2 days (that’s how long he lasted). It reminded me of hanging out in Brooklyn. Good times.
  15. BRAVOR volunteered at the North Texas Food Bank with 4 other great folks. All 6 of us sorted 2 pallets/2,105 lbs/1,754 meals-worth of potatoes for North Texas families and individuals.
  16. There was a warm front one day so I got a haircut, grabbed a Passion Tea Lemonade from Starbucks, and hung out in West Village. It was bliss.
  17. Marlon and I singing some Whitney Houston song, my first ever karaoke performance. :D
  18. Home Improvement: Another light fixture that needed some love. It was so easy. Why did it take us so long to replace those bulbs??
  19. My first ever canoli from Whole Foods. Again, gotta give props to Matt for the support and healthy food education. It was good.
  20. I decided to go on a staycation in Dallas at the Le Meridien (Galleria) for 2 days. It was heaven. I was so surprised by the work desk, and the arrangement, and the hot water (we don’t have hot water due to some electrical issues; I am truly roughing it). It was great time. On the last night, I picked up pizza and a moscato from Whole Foods and watched Submarine (2010). Good movie.
  21. One morning, I woke up in my hotel bed not wanting to move. It felt so great to have my own space and privacy and comfortable bed.
  22. After I checked out at Le Meridien, I went shopping at the Galleria mall across the street. I bought 3 outfits to replace some rags. Trying on new threads was another morale booster.
  23. Stacy and I decided to check out the Gaultier exhibit over the weekend. The lines (yes, lines) were insane, like the outfits and hologram faces on the mannequins, too. Afterwards we went to Carmine’s, a pizza joint near the Arts District that never disappoints. We talked about relationships and how Lenny Kravitz makes us feel naughty. Riding the trolley was a pleasant experience to and from the Arts District.

Overall, January was great, having started with a bang (or, ball drop) in New York surely set the pace. I’m hoping February is just as eventful.

How was your January?

Video: Playing With My Mic and Getting Used to My Voice (Excerpt)

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In this video, I’m tackling John Mayer’s “Slow Dancing In A Burning Room.” I’ve decided that it’s the song that I’ll record as my first ever self-produced track. I may decided to choose something less… content-specific. But I think it’s great to practice with, at least. It feels great to let my voice out to play. I might end up doing a 365 to help force me to play and not be afraid to sing.

Video: Year For Fears: Singing Karaoke

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After I schooled Marlon on how to approach a sinewy latino, we headed to the gay sports bar. And there it was… the stage, the mic, the song selections on the table. Marlon had revenge in mind, and I was the target. I have a fear of singing karaoke.

It’s not really a fear. It’s just a case of over-thinking a predetermined situation. The end result is I just back out of the opportunity. One of my chicken list items from the Year For Fears is singing karaoke. Here’s my thought process on karaoke: Karaoke is supposed to be fun and silly. Anytime I am behind a mic, I perform and give it my all. When it comes to karaoke, I always figured I’d freeze up and do what I do best: belt and be emotive and seriously sing my heart to a very confused crowd (“Uh I don’t remember paying for a concert!”).

However, as you can see from the video that didn’t happen. It was so much fun to be silly and chill. And hey, it was still a performance. Now that I’m on the other side of the mic, if you will, I see that performing karaoke actually takes the edge off. Having fun is something that I should infuse with my real performances. Seriously, “Why so serious?”

One less fear in the Year of Voices. :]